Trying to get organized… yet FREE

Well I come at this post in an EFFORT to organize my thoughts on what exactly I’d like to accomplish this new year. It’s somewhat overwhelming b/c in the past week I’ve realized just HOW much I need to be FREE‘d from. Late last night in bed I jotted down a list of things that popped into my head- things that keep me from being who God created me to be.

This list included: jealousy, pride, boastfulness, competition, fear, worry, assuming things about people, wounded relationships, anger, entitlement, resentment, poor self-esteem, the past, financial stress, to name a few. It’s really sad to see that these things consume me more than the fruit of the Spirit do but that is something I plan on changing this year with God’s help.

I’ve decided to group these together with similar ones and focus on one group a month with a few months left open to fill as I examine my heart more and more. This is also not to say that I won’t talk about the others if it’s not that one’s “month” but this is just a way of narrowing the focus so that change can really be made.

January- Jealousy/competition- I’m putting this first b/c these are some issues that I feel have a very strong grip on us as women. A friend of mine has just made her “word” for ‘09 IMPERFECT and I think that she will offer some great insight on these kinds of topics over the course of the whole year so I recommend that you visit her blog regularly!!

February- Self esteem

March- Pride/boastfulness

April- What we “feed” ourselves with

May- Assuming things about people/gossiping

June- Fear/worry

July- Anger

August- Entitlement

September- The past/resentment

October-

November-

December-

You’re more than welcome to follow me on this journey and contribute thoughts if you have some. I don’t promise any deep and profound teachings- just whatever God is putting on my heart (which I sometimes struggle to even articulate!).

If you’re wondering why I’m blogging about all of this, I’d have to tell you that first off, writing is a way of focusing for me. I journal all the time. But blogging holds some accountability with it. Many of you are my friends in real life and if I’m talking about life change on here but not showing it whatsoever then hopefully one of you would speak to me lovingly about that. But if I just hold all of this in my private journal then no one would hold me to it. Secondly, I’m attempting to be a lot more authentic with my life online. In the past several years that I’ve been blogging I’ve noticed that I’ve been so drawn to certain blogs of women who just seem so marvelous- but this label on them was for all the wrong reasons. All they showed me were the beautifully clothed children in the perfectly decorated home with the smiling husband, the clean kitchen with the fancy meal on the table, the “A” papers on the fridge (with no sticky fingerprints on it!), their expensive electronics (with no dust!), and then the thrown in Bible verses here and there- all leaving me to think- WOW- what a perfect Christian woman/wife/mom/homemaker/cook/etc and expecting NO less from myself. But the less I look at those blogs and the more I look at some authentic women I realize there is no such thing as the perfect Christian woman/wife/mom/homemaker/cook/etc. Even those women whom I admired at first have another side- they just choose not to show it. What we don’t see here in blog world is that that woman’s dog just puked on the floor because he got a hold of some of that dinner, her little boy already pee’d on 2 of the outfits she had him in so his “nice” clothes are all that she has clean, there is rotting broccoli in the fridge b/c she got the kids fast food the last couple of nights, and she and her husband just got in a huge fight over how to properly dust the electronics. No one has that perfect life. I need to remind myself of that DAILY! I apologize to anyone who has ever thought that I haven’t been authentic on my blog. I used to compartmentalize my life and thus had many separate blogs- one for family updates (for friends and family out of town), one for talking about pastor’s wife stuff (the ONE place I think I was authentic), one for bargains, one for advice/inspiration for my students, one for my designs, and so on. WOW was that a lot of work! That’s why last year I combined all of them into one. Because this is me. The good, the bad, and the ugly (probably more of the latter two!). That’s why this year I’m taking a stand to not even visit some of my old favorite blogs for the simple fact that they don’t add anything of any worth to my life. If you are real- you are for me! And I’m making a much bigger effort to be the same way on my blog. Goodness, right this very moment my son is upstairs in bed screaming at me b/c he wants to sleep ON the covers instead of UNDER them! (I may go address that in a moment.)  (Ok just did and he had stripped himself naked and was laying with his legs up in the air so the first thing I saw was his naked butt. How’s that for authenticity!) Anyway- lastly, if anything I write inspires someone the way that some friends of mine have inspired me then God has worked here.

So that’s my plan. I think. For now. God certainly has a way of changing our plans, doesn’t He?!?! So we’ll see where this journey takes me, but for now I’m starting here!

While searching for a video of a song I wanted to share with you (which I couldn’t find but will share the lyrics another time) I found this song which I think will become my new little “anthem” for our FREE year. Please watch the whole thing- it’s powerful!