A new way to look at our kids

Since I’m becoming FREE this year, I’m evaluating all areas in my life to see what’s not working- including my parenting skills. If you have kids then you’ve been frustrated with them. I most certainly have! It’s sooooo easy to fall into traps of having too-high expectations for them, “more important” things to work on when they want to play, etc. I have struggled with this since my son started really talking well. So often I find myself expecting a lot more of him than he is even capable of at his age. my new mantra in regards to that (as I think I’ve said on here before) is… “he’s two”.

I’ve also struggled with something I think every parent has done as well- talking down to him (ie: “Just let me do it- you can’t”, etc.) and creating self-fulfilling prophecies (ie: saying “Aren’t you just Mr. Grumpy-pants” when he’s sleepy after nap).

In response to this, I recently heard something that struck me. It was  from Will Smith (yes, the actor) and I think he meant it in a slightly different context than what I got out of it, but either way it made me evaluate my parenting which is always a plus! He said that he looks at his children as people without as much life-experience. So you might be thinking, well- duh! They’re kids! They obviously don’t have our life-experience! But I found the key word in that phrase to be PEOPLE. Do we look at our children as objects that we can just dress up and put in whatever dance class or baseball league that WE want them to be in? Or do we see them as real people who just aren’t experienced yet- people with feelings, emotions, opinions, likes, and dislikes. I feel like our society has created a culture of parents who just belittle their children into submission instead of seeking true Biblical submission which means “coming under someone’s mission”-  it’s hard to get kids to come under your mission when you don’t have one. So I think we need to look deep into our souls at the reasons we had kids and who we want them to become. How damaging it must be for those kids who hear nothing else? I read in a book- I THINK it was Preparation for the Toddler Years …aka Toddler Wise (hope I’m right!) that before you say something to your child- ask yourself how you would feel if someone said it to you. How would you feel if you were asked, “Well aren’t you Mr. Grumpy-pants today?!” when someone woke you up and you weren’t in a great mood right away? How would you respond to that? Would it put you in a better mood or make you MORE grumpy. My experience tells me it makes my son (or ME!) MORE grumpy. Why do we say that to our children? What’s wrong with just giving them a hug and saying, “Are you okay?” or “Would you like to go play together?” or “Do you need a minute to get up?”

Now I’m not saying we still don’t expect first-time obedience from our children. I do! But obeying a command when it comes from a good heart is much easier than trying to obey someone who is barking orders at you and talking down to you- right?

My new philosophy is to treat my children as PEOPLE- not slaves, not animals, not objects… but people who deserve my respect just as much as I deserve theirs.

Just my thoughts!